So I got the email AND the call today that our ED "Stitch" is ready to trigger tonight. That call brought forth soo many feelings for me. First and foremost I was elated. My bois (ha ha, get it Frank!) and I have been waiting for this moment since matching in September. My gosh, we've been through enough crap together already that I feel like our relationship can weather ANY storm (not that I plan on having any)! The moment we transfer we will be solidifying their fate (one way or another) into parenthood. Wow, just wow. What a miracle.
Wednesday will be "Stitch's" eggie retrieval. She'll be brought into a cold room, layed upon a table and drugged until she's funny. And then, the doc will poke a huge ass needle through her vaginal wall into her ovary and suck her sweet genetics out. It's a very romantic process, as you can tell. And anyone who is willing to sign up for that process, to give so much of herself, is AMAZING in my book! On Wednesday, she will donate half the genetic material needed to make Adam and Frank daddies. As of right now she has 9 follicles and they are confident they will most likely retrieve 7 mature, fertilizable eggies. Not every eggie retrieved is mature and not ever mature eggie will fertilize. But it only takes 1 (or we're hoping 2) sweet embryo(s) to make a baby(ies).
And that brings me to my next bundle of emotions. I want this SO bad! I'm going to sound super selfish when I say this but I didn't get into surrogacy for other people. I pursued surrogacy for ME. I miss feeling like a complete woman, full of child. I miss the heartburn (and having a real good reason to bitch). I miss my round belly (no longer hanging around waiting to turn from flabs of steel to abs of steel). I miss feeling that life thrive and grow, knowing I did that. Of course, we all know fat kids LOVE cake and boy is there icing on my cake..... I miss seeing the parents' faces when they first hear their child(ren) cry for the first time. When they feel the soft skin on their child's face as they gaze into their own eyes. When they realize that all they've waited for is right there. I can do that. I can do that for them and that is the best, most rewarding feeling ever.
So tonight, when I shoot up for the last time (unless a sibling journey comes into play), my feelings will be very bittersweet. Adam and Frank are not the only couple whose dreams I've attempted to fulfill. There was another couple in particular that I will also be thinking of as I travel through this journey of swollen ankles and 90 trips to the bathroom a night. They will always be dear to my heart and I will always cherish the dreams we shared together. For they will never become a reality and as much as it pains me to realize this, it pleases me to know that out of failure comes success. Success is my only option.
Stay tuned for updates
No comments:
Post a Comment